An Art Museum Soliloquy & Greek Eats

Last Sunday, the Speed Art Museum finally closed its doors for a three-year renovation. It was really bittersweet to see the place cleaned out and ready for dis-assemblage. 

One of my first memories of the Speed is from fall 2009, when I went with my creative writing class to create an ekphrastic poem. I sat on a bench staring at a large, splattered canvas entitled "Potentially Pat's Living Room." I could see the clouds through the slits of window panes at the top of the building, sun illuminating their shapes, making them almost appear cartoon-ish. I could hear the trickle of a fountain, the smell of oil on canvas, and I was swelling with endorphines. 

I went back for an art history project and spent my day walking around and observing the museum in its entirety. I found a piece on the second floor that I was particularly drawn to, featuring a winding country road alongside a hearty tree, as the sun set in fall. The colors were vividly autumnal and the movement in the brushstrokes made me feel the whistle of the wind on my skin. 

Another class project called for me to find a piece of art from any medium and compare it to another art form of a different medium and explain its implications. Part of the Native American collection had been moved to the spotlight section and I felt myself peculiarly drawn to the ornate pipes and pipe bowls. The pipe bowls reminded me of Ziggurats, semi-pyramidal religious constructions of ancient Mesopotamia. Worshippers would bring sculptures of gods for a priest to place inside; the larger the sculpture, the more favor the god would have on the family. The pipe bowls were also used in religious ceremonies when tribe elders would summon their ancestors. The ornateness of the pipes and bowls would depend on the 'commitment' of the tribe to the god and could also recommend to anthropologists the wealthiness of a given region. 

Aside from various school projects, I visited the Speed many times with others. One time I particularly remember was last winter when the Speed hosted an Impressionist/Post-Impressionist exhibition. The gallery was filled with Renoir, Chagall, Monet, Manet, Degas... I felt like I was back in London, surrounded by so much timeless history. I ended up losing one of my favorite magenta leather gloves. Figuring it would be gone but hoping for the best, I called the museum the next day and someone had turned in my glove! I should've known that the Speed would host compassionate beings. 

I feel deeply saddened by the fact that I won't get to see any exhibits or stop in on a stressful day to just look at a Picasso, Monet, or Cassat. I can't just walk into the medieval wooden room or the tapestry room, alight with stained glass windows to the ceiling. The majesty will be gone for awhile.

~ ~ ~

Scott, Amy, and Michelle

Sam and Meagan

 On a brighter note, I had a lovely evening with my writing center cohort last night. We went downtown for Mediterranean food at Yafa. Honestly, if you're in the Louisville-area, this is probably the best Greek food you're going to find.

We all played "Never Have I Ever" and enjoyed our various dishes. I ended up getting a gyro plate with pita and walnut baklava for dessert. Afterward, we went to Sam's townhouse and I basically became super jealous because his house is so gorgeous and he has the best taste. He told me he'd help me decorate when I finally get my own place--I'm going to hold him to it!

Earlier in the day, Meagan and I laughed at pictures of cats with bad grammar and hunted for Modcloth discount codes on Pinterest--We ended up finding the largest one for 20%! Needless to say, we were ready to order from our favorite online clothing site again.

Life is pretty hectic. But I'm really trying to take it a day at a time. I'm surrounded by so many great people and I feel like I couldn't be any luckier.

A Week of Highs and One Really Low Low

This was my first week of grad school and I'm already kind of in love with it. I'm a little bit stressed out, a little bit frazzled and tired, but I'm surrounded by so many great people at the writing center that I have no doubt in my mind that I'll make it through somehow relatively unscathed. The above pictures are of my own personal shelf and mailbox. I feel so official!

These pictures are of the consultant's office in the back of the writing center. I spend the majority of my time in this room with about ten other people. Somehow we all seem to fit comfortably. We work, we eat, we talk, we laugh, drink coffee, and walk to class in general swarms since we all take the same or very similar schedule of classes. We've even established weekly Thursday dinners since we all have a couple hours free before our night class.

I wore this ensemble on Tuesday. I ordered the skirt online from a little shop called "Style by Marina." She sells multiple colors and the tulle/silkiness of it all makes me feel like a bohemian ballerina. Plus, I'm rocking my Fool's Gold necklace from Target and a basic white tank from Old Navy. 

Wednesday night I was reading for my writing center class and I kept thinking, Man I could really use some ice cream right now. Well, my dad comes home later that evening (while I'm still reading) and throws me a pint of cotton candy Graeter's ice cream. Cotton candy wouldn't have been a choice I would've made but it tasted like Lucky Charms and had these little crunchy, sugary bits within so it hit the spot.

Also, I ordered this poster and frame separately for about $14. I love butterfly specimens (like, pictures of them, not actual dead butterflies). I love it now and I feel like it will fit in with the aesthetic of any place I move in the future. Woot!

On a sad note, a friend of a friend passed away on Wednesday, named Rachel. She's the sweet girl in the green sweater. Julie had always spoken so fondly of Rachel and never had a negative thing to say about her. Rachel was just the kind of person who could light up your life in the moments you spent with her, even if you didn't know her that well. Not even a couple of weeks ago, five of us girls went out for Shiraz and Comfy Cow ice cream. I remember Rachel ordered lamb at Shiraz and cookies 'n cream ice cream at Comfy Cow. We had each other laughing and found ourselves in our own personal conversations throughout the night. I honestly felt like it was the beginning of a really great friendship. How could you not fall in love with a spirit like hers?

When I found out about her sudden passing, I felt so shocked and confused. I could only imagine what Julie was going through, her having been very close with Rachel. It's been a difficult couple of days and every time I see someone post a new photo of her on Facebook, it's really hard for me to believe she's gone. 

A mutual friend of Rachel ran into Julie in the library on Thursday when we were on our way to lunch. Rachel had had such a tough time growing up that the girl asked, "God obviously kept her around for a reason... but why?" And thinking more on that, I realize that maybe people aren't supposed to be in our lives forever, but when they are for a little while, and when they are people like Rachel, they make you want to be a better person. Rachel's purpose was to prove to anyone who met her that pure kindness exists in the world and opening your heart is a good thing. I didn't have the chance to become as much of a friend as I wished I could have been, but she left a big footprint on my heart nevertheless. 

Life really is short. And sometimes we feel like we're invincible and we take people in our lives for granted. To anyone out there who reads this thing, I love you and hope that you are blessed with a long life and that you open yourself to the kindness that Rachel shared with the world for a short time.

Gush

I don't normally gush. I'm not a gushy person. I sometimes fangirl. But it's usually for people I will never meet.

This was one of the most tender moments of my life. Scott was teaching my dad how to play "Free Fallin" on guitar. Today Scott was teaching me how to play guitar since it's on my bucket list. I've got a ways to go but taking a break to see Scott spend time with my dad like this just... I don't know... melted my heart. 

 It reminded me of the time he took care of me when I was too sick to move after my kidney stone surgery and how he fed my dog when he was acting super ridiculous. Scott got down on the floor and petted his head until Jet trusted him enough to eat out of his hand. Scott never lost his patience but just kept taking his time. People like that will good with kids.

I can be overbearing and selfish and stubborn and can really just want things to go my way but Scott sees through all of that and takes me for the Virginia Woolf-loving fool that I am. He knows about Clive and Vanessa Bell and Angelica and David Garnett and Duncan Grant. And all these other people that no one knows about but me. I realize that he takes care of me in ways that I am unable to return the favor. But I hope he knows that I love him very much and that it makes me cry in that oh-my-gosh-he's-such-a-good-person-I-don't deserve-him kind of way. 

Three Years

Being stuck at home with a kidney stone has put me a bit into depression mode again. I keep trying to remember that it isn't permanent but that doesn't stop my mind from jumping all over the place.

Today is the three year anniversary of the deaths of two people I went to high school with, Jeff Malewig and Blake Denton. They were a year younger than me but I had physics class with both of them. I also worked with Blake at Jewel-Osco, the grocery store at which I was employed during high school. It seems like every single year, the icy roads of Illinois claim the life of someone from Kaneland High School. The holidays are almost a macabre time of year--just waiting to hear who died in a car accident. 

My heart goes out to all of the families who have lost someone--especially someone so young. 

When I look back on my youth, I realize that I haven't always been the kindest person. I haven't always stood up for what I believed in or done the right thing. Sometimes people were nice to me but I felt like I didn't have 'time' to talk to them or maybe I was 'too cool' to be seen hanging around them. You know middle school. These are the moments of my life I regret the most--treating people with disrespect when they certainly don't merit it. For anyone out there who is reading this who might have received ill words for me, I am truly sorry and I wish I could see you now, in person, so I could try to make it up to you somehow. 

I try not to judge people too harshly based on their past. They are who they are now and that's all that matters to me. I also tend to remember myself--those moments I wish I could take back, the friendships I wish I could mend, the people I wish knew how my heart feels. 

Anyway, just think about how you treat every single person you encounter. You never know when it'll be the last day you'll see them alive.

Got On Enough Coats? A Narrative

 Tim, Sharon, Yellow Tony, and Rachel last Halloween

 Stole this from Robinson's Facebook. Too perfect not to include.

This time last year I had just switched over to an earlier start time at UPS. I posted about it here. I even explained that "my crew doesn't seem to contain any murderers." Let me just say that it's 4 in the morning and I can't go to sleep because I've cried all the way home after turning in my badge at the job I've held for the past 2 and 1/2 years. I don't think I can rest until I tell my story.

In March 2009 I was pretty mad at my parents for making me get a job at UPS to pay for college. They told me it was either that or take a semester off. And I didn't want to do the latter. I went to training in a light blue North Face hooded fleece, glasses on, a can of sugar-free Red Bull and a bag of Gummy Bears in tow. I'll never get used to this.

My first winter was nearly unbearable. I remember feeling the bite of the wind for the first time, tucking myself into the corner of an airplane and crying. I didn't think I was strong enough for it. This job was going to eat me alive and leave me with a shell of a person. I missed class every day after it poured at night. I would come home soaked down to my underwear, socks squishing against boots, chill clinging to my bones. When I finally got up the next day, it'd be something like 8PM and I'd think about how unfortunate it was that I'd have to leave for work in just a couple more hours. 

I felt like I was better than this job. It was so unfair to be UofL's only honor student working third shift at UPS. Now I feel ashamed to have ever possessed those thoughts. I feel closer to some of the people I've met at UPS in two short years than I have in my entire life. I've learned their stories and collected them as imprints in my life. I can only hope I'll be a fingerprint in their lifetime of memories.

I've been injured multiple times...only once seriously. Last winter, a lock punctured my boot, trapping it under a 3,000 pound cargo can. I had to go to Baptist Worx (I laughed at this--why would UPS send me to a medical facility that can't even properly spell 'works'? Shady.) and have an X-ray. I was diagnosed with a great toe contusion as some of you may recall from this post. I had to sign plenty of paperwork promising to 'look before stepping' next time. 

I've become close to many people along the way and each time they left, I felt like a little piece of me went with them. There's something about the dynamic at UPS that allows people a window into the souls of their co-workers--if they allow it. Of course, they're just 'people you work with' but honestly you tend to know them better than you know yourself at times. 

Last October, I joined Tony Robinson's early start time crew. I immediately remember Tim. His warm smile and friendly, open nature drew me to him right away. He's a jolly fellow with red hair and a beard. He's also the new father to a little girl named Olivia Payton. I recall last winter when he first told me his girlfriend Jennifer was pregnant. He didn't want me to tell anyone because she'd had a miscarriage before. It was too soon to start making plans. I'm so happy for them and I know Olivia is a lucky lady because Tim was made to be a father. He's so kind and fair to everyone he meets. 

Tony Wright, "Yellow Tony," and I had known one another since I'd gotten hired in '09. We'd squabble every now and then and he'd get into these weird anti-social moods sometimes. But for the most part, he was my big brother. Anytime I needed help with something, he'd jump right in. He always thought it humorous when I pretended to gangster dance and use ghetto lingo. 

Sharon was my crew mom. She's a mom herself to a daughter named Lindsay, who just graduated high school and a son named Trevor, who apparently is excellent at high school football (according to her Facebook statuses). Sharon could've easily distanced herself from the younger kids but she was kind of just like us. She would swear like us, call Tony names, and make inappropriate jokes just like the rest of us. She was always bringing in food; pretzels, chips, and popcorn. And she taught me to play rummy (and now I end up beating her more than she beats me). 

Rachael was...let's just say...our relationship was interesting. We'd often battle about who was to drive equipment and I often just gave up and bit the bullet. We still had our moments and she'll always be a character in my mind.

I probably didn't talk to Justin for a good month or two. He has a thick, bodacious beard, that when shaven, pretty much grows back the next day. He kind of looks like he could pass for a Civil War soldier if you put him in the garb. Justin is very quiet but once you get him talking, he's hilarious and super intelligent. He'll randomly spout off German and he makes the best judgmental faces I've ever seen. He's had me in stitches and accidentally laughing in peoples' faces when they were being just plain ridiculous. I've grown much closer to Justin recently, especially since he and Tim are such good friends. Amongst the crew, you could often find us bunched together in one way or another. 

Anthony joined our crew a few months ago but I've known him as long as I've known Yellow Tony. He never seemed to irritate me as much as he did when he got on the crew. He avoided work like it poison and literally talked about things that were pointless. Of course, his elevated manner of speaking about them made him sound more ridiculous. One time our supervisor Tony sent out a text about an early start time and he asked us if anyone had the number of 'Stainless.' This of course was an auto-correct of Anthony's last name but alas, the name stuck and we unaffectionately referred to him as Stainless from then on. 

Chris also joined our crew awhile back. I'd worked with him before but hadn't known him as long as Anthony or Yellow Tony. He was around Sharon's age and had daughters that played volleyball and ran track/cross country. He seemed to have a lot of problems going on with him and his wife that he brought to work but nonetheless he seemed like a pretty good guy. We had a pretty great conversation about the best cereals one time that had me run out and buy Apple Jacks the next day. We also quoted Forrest Gump from time to time. His stories about his wild 20's have been hilarious lately...I hope to use them in a story. Because shit like this doesn't happen to everybody.

And finally, our supervisor, Tony himself. I first had Tony as a supervisor after a year or so when there were crew shifts. I liked him so much better than my first sup Gary because he seemed so much more laid back. Tony is obsessed with India. He has hardcore crushes on Indian girls, all of his friends are Indian, he loves the food, movies, music of India, can dance Indian dances, and even speaks Hindi better than some natives. I asked him what drew him to that culture and he said he was in fifth grade and his friend had him watch a Bollywood film. "Hey, this is pretty cool," he said and from then on it was history. He gets to go to India in January and I'm excited for him because it's a dream come true. Tony Robinson is one of the most genuine people I know and I'll never forget his kindness towards me. I loved making him laugh and teasing him. Tonight he made me smile when he forced Rachel to go get the belt. He knows what's up.

Tonight the crew came in early for a chicken dinner to celebrate a certain period of safe work days. We had KFC chicken (what else?), biscuits, mashed potatoes, green beans, cole slaw, and chocolate cake. Tim asked Tony Robinson if we had any drinks.

"Yes and no."

"What?!"

"Yes because we were supposed to. And no because they screwed up the order. They also didn't give us the mac and cheese we paid for." 

"Let me get you a drink," Tim said, "It's your last night."

The food was delicious. Chris ate like an entire cake by himself. And Yellow Tony had a stack of chicken bones on his plate left over. It was a feast of kings.

Rachel claimed that since she would have to drive the equipment from now on, I should go get it tonight.

"I knew she would try to pull this," Tim said, "On a person's last night, you're supposed to make it as easy on them as possible. Stay strong."

Tony told me not to worry about. He'd make her go get it. Well, he did and she stormed off like an Oklahoma twister.

"Damn! Look at how mad she is!" --Tim.

"Ha! And I don't even care!" --Tony Robinson

"Yeah, well think about all the times she forced you to go get the equipment" Tim said to me.

The night was pretty easy. We walked off an MD-11 P-sections and AB. Then we unloaded a 757 belly. There were tons of reptiles on that flight. It reminded us of a time when I told Yellow Tony his mom was a lizard and he said she had "reptile dysfunction." Pretty sure I peed my pants. He even sent me this image the next day on Facebook:

Credit

We took a break on Dock 12. All of my energy seemed to go to digesting the grease in my stomach so I laid down for a bit. We then loaded a 757 topside, I wrote, and did the weight check for the final time. Finally we loaded a 757 belly and at the early hour of 3AM, we got to go home. I guess it was a little present for me because normally on Tuesdays we load the Airbus A-300 topside on dock 9 (Richmond). After loading this, it's usually 4:08 at least before we get to leave. I know some of this airplane jargon doesn't make sense to many, but I just sort of want to keep it for me. :)

As we were walking to the time clock, the crew Shanghai-ed me and handed me a card, signed by everyone. Just reading the first few words had me in tears. I didn't think it would come to this. I'd done well the rest of the night; it seemed normal really, just like any old night. Except that I'd never be on property again. Watching me read the card, Sharon and Tim started tearing up. Seeing that almost made me lose it. Chris and Yellow Tony gave me hugs and wished me well as I choked my goodbyes. When I finally parted from Robinson, he told me how fun it had been working with me and hugged me too. I could barely keep myself together. Tears running down my face, I tried to make it out. 

"It's hard, you know," Sharon said, "Just like you said...you get to know people here and when they leave it really makes you sad." 

A year ago today, I would've never thought my crew would tear up (let alone, any crew) when I left. Chris Lewis, a guy I worked with when I first got hired, who is now a supervisor, realized it was my last day.

"I remember when you were just a wee new hire."

"Yeah, well she's not much better now," Robinson joked. 

I've come such a long way. 

On the tram ride out, I was talking to Sharon and Tim. A creeper decided to join the conversation. Last winter, I was bundled up in plenty of layers because it was freezing out. A BRINKS employee (BRINKS is a company that ships high value items in orange bags and they are usually really heavy--sometimes you look at the value on the bag and it's like $800,000) was apparently checking me out and Tim called him out to me. 

"That old dude's checkin' you out!"

Well, I guess he felt he needed to compensate for being creepy so the BRINKS guy comes up to me and says, "GOT ON ENOUGH COATS?" 

Tim and Justin laugh in his face and walk away, unable to take it.

"Yes?" I say in a small voice, making my way over to Tim and Justin.

Anytime someone is being a creep, Tim and I tend to say, "GOT ON ENOUGH COATS?"

Every we see him, which is usually Friday nights on the AB of the MD-11 on dock 3, we reminisce about the good ole days.

So, back to the bus ride out. We were talking about this story and this random Creepster McGee chimes in, "Well, that just means someone other than you're boyfriend thinks you're hot."

"Well, they shouldn't" --Tim, with his serious face on

"Oh, that hurt" --Creepy guy looking my way

"Yeah well sometimes the truth hurts" --Tim, trying to avert more awkwardness

He jumped in a few more times much to my chagrin. When we got off the bus, the three of us were silent for a moment until I burst out, "What the hell just happened?"

"I don't know" --Sharon

More goodbyes were said. I offered to pay Tim back for the Diet Coke he got me

"Maybe you can pay me back by coming to see my little girl," he said winking, and tapping me on the shoulder.

I walked the rest of the way with Sharon who told me I needed to update my Facebook status more. "You don't update often, you just get on there and creep." (LOL). So I promised her I would keep her more updated in my daily life. She is kind of my mama after all. 

I barely made it to my car before I burst into tears and stayed that way until there was nothing left to cry. I've never felt more anguish leaving a job than I do right now. In a sense, I feel more peaceful then I did before--anxiously awaiting the day it would all be over. But now I can breathe a sigh of relief because I no longer have to be outside in the cold, rain, heat, jet fuel, de-ice third shift, etc. I threw my decrepit boots in the dumpster as soon as I got home as a ritual to prove that this really was the next step. Pinch me. It's really over.

I have a feeling I haven't heard the last of 'The Red Rockets' (our crew name). I love them too much to let them go that easily.

My Past Year and a Half of Employment OR A List Characters Comparable to those in a Tolstoy novel

Last night was my last night as a "late crew" member. For a year and a half, I was a low seniority crew member, thinking that I would never be promoted to an "early crew." I've seen dozens of people come and go, some I still think about, others it takes awhile to remember.

In April 2009, I was a "new hire." I didn't know how to do much so I just stood back and observed with my mouth shut. Yellow Tony, as we call him, asked me a little about myself. Alex welcomed me to the crew. Kevin and Black Tony (again, affectionately named) wanted to know more about me and offered advice. Chris, Michael, and Anthony were quiet at first but Anthony warmed up pretty quickly and we realized we shared a similar sense of humor, and he always left me with a belly ache by imitating people or exaggerating his work frustrations.

Chris would always be on these weird diets, like only bananas and tuna, that lead mysterious smells to appear in the airplanes and shouts of "OH MY GOD CHRIS" as he started laughing. Black Tony always packed a lunch box full of stereotypical food of the African-American persuasion. He couldn't ever wait to go on break so he could get him some greens and chicken with hot sauce. Alex always talked about the places he and his girlfriend went and asked what I would being doing with my significant other on the weekend (who is no longer significant, haha).  Yellow Tony would always chew on his bottle caps and Alex would yell something like, "You have the biggest f***ing mouth of any person I have ever seen." Kevin and I would often talk with one another and he would always greet me with a "What's up Lauren?" and try to bum cigarettes off of Anthony. Chris was obsessed with working out and eating. Michael was our resident trouble maker. He would always fight with our supervisor about being late and loved to quote Tyrone Biggums and had so many signature phrases it was hard to keep up: "Aaaaayyy liiiilll boday," "we got planes comin' in from Japan," "Gary mama pac-10" were just a few that to explain, would take days.

Our supervisor Gary's mother was apparently a part of the athletic division PAC-10 so one day some guy from a different crew said, "GARY MAMA PAC-10!" And it just sort of stuck and the crew adopted it as an insult and fodder to scribble on the fogged up cans that came from the planes.

There were days we were all interrogated by the full time supervisor. Anthony threw a few Skittles up in the air and freakishly, one stuck into the blade of the plane's engine, which sent the maintenance crew into a fit. Food was later banned on the ramp because of this instance.

Michael was the first to go. He hated the job so much that it was only natural that he would quit. Then Chris got frustrated with Gary one day and just left. He eventually came back but it was decided that he would be fired due to "crew abandonment." Thanks to the union, Chris got his job back on a different crew. Then Alex got promoted to an earlier crew. For the longest time it was Black Tony, Yellow Tony, Anthony, Kevin and I. Then came a new hire, Aaric, who I met after I came back from getting my wisdom teeth removed. At first we all hated him because he was lazy but one day he brought in Krispy Kreme doughnuts for everyone and things got better. Aaric and I got really close during that time and we would both talk about our boyfriend/girlfriend issues. Around this same time, a girl named Estelle got hired but she didn't last very long before she quit. At this point, we obtained a very annoying character named Brad. I was later informed by Alex that Brad told him that he was going to "try to get with me" when he first started on the crew. I'm fairly certain my belligerence and name-calling deterred him. This May Aaric moved back home and quit. I didn't think I would ever have a friend like him again. A few days before Aaric quit, Kevin also quit because he found a better job. Our crew was getting smaller and smaller.

Earlier this year, Gary moved to an earlier time so we got a new supervisor named Tony. Yes, another Tony. We called him Sup Tony. Everyone was a lot happier with Tony as a sup because he actually used his head and didn't bark orders at his crew members. At the end of every night he would thank us and tell us what a good job we had done. I always appreciated that. And plus, he was just way nicer.

After Aaric left we got two new hires, one named Josh and one named Lorenzo. Josh was always willing to work his butt off and Lorenzo refused to get in the plane, claiming that he was too big or sick. I had just went through my breakup when they got hired so I didn't really talk to them at first. Josh and I really hit it off when I drove him around in a tug on cleanup one night. Lorenzo and I didn't always see eye to eye because he was so lazy.

Maybe not even a month or so later, we got two more new hires, EJ and Clare. EJ was this old guy with a weird shoulder slouch, molester drawstring pants, and gardening gloves. He would always say bizarre things so oftentimes he would end up as the butt of our jokes. Clare and I started talking about where we were from one night and pretty much couldn't stop. We became inseparable and I still consider us to be so. We had many of the same interests in music, movies, and a similar sense of humor.

At this point in time, we had another sup change. Tony moved up to an earlier crew and we ended up with Jae. Luckily annoying Brad got moved to an earlier start time as well.

With EJ and Clare as additions to our crew, Yellow Tony and Black Tony moved up to earlier crews. We had an older guy, named Chris work on our crew for awhile, but he ended up getting transferred too.

Lorenzo quit very soon because he was working two jobs and the other one paid more. EJ quit as well, claiming the job didn't "fulfill his mental capabilities." The only person still on the crew that I got hired on with was Anthony. Then we had a new hire named Devin, who didn't last long because his attendance was terrible.

Not too long ago, we had yet another transfer named Chris come to our crew from an earlier start time. He was very proud of his seniority and willing to tell anyone about that was around him for a couple of minutes. This is hardly worth mentioning but we just got a new hire that worked on the crew for about three days before she was fired for poor attendance. Her name was D'Erica. Clare and I went on all night about how she was "d'fired" and "d'out of here," etc.

Working with Jae was really frustrating most of the time because he acted a lot like the first supervisor I had, Gary. He was all right to talk to as a person but not always the best boss.

Clare, Josh, and I were pretty much inseparable all summer long, especially Josh and I. He really made going to work worth it and I had a lot of fun talking to him every night and making faces. We had another new hire, named Brad, whom we affectionately refer to as "Wibs." Wibs and I have a love-hate relationship which is mainly more hate. Nearly everything we say to one another is an insult. Then one day there was a falling out between Josh and I and a very awkward period when we didn't talk. Then we patched things up and work was a lot better again. The crew now consisted of Anthony, Josh, Clare, Wibs, Chris, and I.

This Tuesday Jae said, "We're getting some new hires today so that means we need people to move up. Anyone interested?" I raised my hand, immediately. It was a decision I had made long before. I was ready. This was something I needed to do for myself. Everything on the crew was back to being fun again but I knew I couldn't let that hold me back.

The next day I had my new assignment: my old supervisor Tony! Of all the sups on the ramp, I wanted him the most. I never thought it would actually happen though. Yellow Tony is on his crew so going into it, I'll at least know someone. I now get to start at 11:45 instead of 1:45, don't have to do cleanup at the end of the night, etc. I was excited about it all last week and didn't really have a chance to sit down and think about it because I was so tired and busy with school. But last night was my final night as a "late crew" member. After a year and half, I'm the one making my exodus. All last night we spent laughing and talking, anticipating breakfast at Shoney's after work, and Jae was being cool because he knew it was my last night (and Anthony's too).

Clare, Wibs, Chris that loves his seniority, Chris that loves to work out and eat, Anthony, Josh, Jae, and I all went out to breakfast and spent the majority of the time making fun of Wibs. I was on fire with my jokes for some reason today. Why couldn't I be more funny when these people were around me perpetually? It was like now that I was leaving, I was allowed to be a different, more confident person. Albeit sad, I did feel confident and ready. Josh had been giving me looks all night and it really just summed up our whole relationship. We are defined by our looks. Clare was visibly sad all night and Wibs kept on insulting me.

It didn't really hit me until people started leaving that it would be the last time that things would ever be like this again. It reminded me of Drew Baylor in Elizabethtown who said, "I've become a secret connoisseur of last looks, you know, the way people look at you when they believe it will be for the last time."

The two Chris(es) got up to leave and Anthony. I realized that Anthony was the only one I hadn't been separated from the entire time I have been employed. "This is the first time we're going to be split up! I'm never going to see you again!"
"We'll see each other again," he said, his kind smile assuring me that he was right.

Josh again, kept staring at me all through breakfast and we all kept joking around. He had this fleece hat on that he had sticking up really high. "You look like a Russian," I said. He moved the hat down and rolled it up. "Now you look like you should be loitering outside of an Aldi." Everyone laughed and agreed he looked like a bum. It got real quiet when Josh just yells, "F*** ya'll! I'm homeless!" More bursts of laughter. When Josh got up to leave he came over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Can I have a hug? I'm like never going to see you again..." We hugged, "Hit me up sometime." Deep down in my belly I felt a happy warmth, and I'm fairly certain it wasn't the scrambled eggs (though delicious).

Then the four of us were left: Clare, Wibs, Jae, and I. We eventually made our way to the parking lot and exchanged hugs. Clare was giving me the puppy dog face and we decided that my leaving the crew just meant that we would have to hang out in the real world more. I feel like I haven't seen the last of these people.

It's been a crazy ride and I feel all mixed up with different feelings. I miss the comfort of my old crew and the memories associated with it but know in my heart that this promotion is exactly what I needed. Some of these people I've only know a few months and already I feel a stronger sense of loss than when I got broken up with by someone I'd know for over a year and a half. We have all diverged into our respective new places and it will only be a matter of time before we're shaken up again. But isn't that what life's really about? Collecting stories, collecting friendships, and best of all, actually feeling something once it's all gone.