Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Time in a Bottle

Time. Time heals all wounds. Only time will tell. What do these cliches even mean?

I've been obsessed with time lately. I don't want to waste time. I want to do something with every spare minute I have, no matter how small it may be.

In Sex and the City, (Season 2, episode 1) Charlotte announces that it should take exactly one half of the amount of time you dated someone to get over them. As much as I love Charlotte, I think she makes an erroneous statement.

I dated someone for 17 months and was over them in exactly one week. I'm apparently 8 months and 1 week ahead of schedule!

Perhaps there is a critical ingredient missing... how much did you actually care for the guy? I can definitely state in total honesty that I do not want those two nights back when I woke up crying to the point of not being able to breathe. I don't want back the feeling of complete isolation.

I just feel like all my time lately has been surging through space. I smile and feel like I'm floating on top of a cloud. I have my customary two family days a week, days with friends and otherwise, time to myself to understand what I want from life so I will no longer waste any more time basking in the thrill of comfort.

I want to feel! Correction: I do... and it feels great!

Saturday, June 19, 2010


It's remarkable how similar I look to Regina Spektor's album cover for "Begin to Hope" in this picture. Now if only we were similar in cup size...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Can You See Us?

Okay, so it's been awhile since I've talked about my obsessions. I love Ghost Whisperer. Unfortunately it's been cancelled after five seasons, so now I must clearly live in the past.

Reasons I love Ghost Whisperer: the clothes.

These are only just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to "Melinda's closet." I wish I could take control of her entire wardrobe. It is just so beautiful. Sometimes when I get dressed, I think to myself "Today is Melinda approved." She is my greatest inspiration when it comes to picking out clothes.

More than anything else, Ghost Whisperer always left me sappily crying at the end. It was mysterious, a little bit scary, but at the end you got to cry.

I love the town of Grandview, almost as much as Stars Hollow, of Gilmore Girls. Melinda runs an antique store in the middle of town, all while looking gorgeous. I have a hardcore heterosexual crush on Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Her husband Jim, isn't so bad to look at either.

The stories were always original and I'm so sad to see it taken off the air. I guess Grandview and Melinda Gordon will live on through DVD. R.I.P. Ghost Whisperer 2005-2010.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Taking the Long Way

It's amazing how liberating it is to exit a comfortable situation relatively unscathed.

I've checked off all the things on my list (or modified the daunting ones). And best of all, I have plans for the future that don't include an impending engagement or marriage.

My mom and I ordered tickets to the Rascal Flatts concert in August. We are also going to Holiday World in July.

I've been seeing my friends with great frequency, going on woman dates for lunch, talking for hours, just being liberally-minded 20-somethings.

The summer before I start graduate school, I want to travel to Europe for a week or two, bringing with me the greatest guide of all, my dad. He's been to numerous European and Eurasian countries and knows his way around. What better way to transition to a new stage in life?

I enjoy taking stock in my future but at the same time I am thrilled to be young and alive. I don't look down on people who marry young or are in long-term relationships. In fact, I salute you! But it's just not for me. Not right now. It took a couple days of crying to realize that.

The day my thoughts became totally clear was a foggy Thursday morning, hardly enough to see cars a few feet in front of you. I love the irony life brings. And I especially love that I have all of my senses back. Now I can truly see, taste, feel, sense, and hear life again.

Some people seem to fall in love with their own idealization of a person instead of who they truly are. And once they realize they've been wrong all along, they place a lot of blame elsewhere. If only they would accept people as they are or move on, they'd save a lot of time.

But hey, that's just me.

I'll be here living [my English] life instead of fearing it.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


Taylor Swift songs have never been more appropriate. I remember in concert the Swift had a little pre-recorded video interview while she was in costume change.

The interviewer asked, "What can a guy do to not have you write a song about him?"

"He shouldn't do BAD THINGS."

Listening to her lyrics lately have made me realize, "She and I must've dated the same guy!"

I wasn't as able to relate so perfectly to her songs as I do now.

"Picture to Burn" is my favorite.

Despite all of that, I have some pretty amazing friends. Friends that answer their phones at 11:30 (central time!) and offer kind words... "You mean the world to me."

Friends that call you first thing the next day and listen to you babble for an hour and propose a girl's day complete with all of the guilt-free indulgences I no longer have to feel guilty about. Friends that offer beautiful words that make me want to cry in happiness because I know I am worth so much more.

You know who you are. And you mean the world to me! It doesn't matter what part of the country you live in... I love you both. :)

In addition to great friends, I have my family too. And despite what some people may think, I understand the importance of family. They make me smile, they make me laugh, they keep me busy, and make me realize that the love I was looking for is still abound. And that their love has always been present.

In the words of U2, I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

But what's the use in looking? I'm in no rush. I have no plans to marry anytime soon and think everyone should think long and hard before accepting an engagement (or before proposing).

And ultimately, we must realize that love is not something you just say. It's something you do.