The Douchebaggery of Graduate School: How It Happened to Me

It's beginning to look a lot like fall here, don't you think?

A little over a week ago, I was embarrassed for the first time in grad school (and that's a hard thing to do because I practically have no shame). A classmate and I were goofing off and writing notes because the class is pretty much pointless anyway, as the general consensus of the class agrees. The professor suddenly says:

 "Any thoughts from the back corner?"

"Oh, I've got lots of thoughts. They're all just... floating around in my head." 

I realized then that no one was laughing and the professor proceeded to ask us to read our notes aloud to the class. (There wouldn't have been much to read, unless you count a game of Hangman as literature). Somehow we were able to recover, but felt like total douche bags, and eventually apologized.

After crying in the car for 45 minutes, I sent the professor an email that said: We all have our moments of stupidity and I guess this was just one of mine. More importantly, I don't want you to think I'm a jerk...

I felt really immature and ridiculous for awhile. In my undergraduate courses, if I made a serious comment, no one in the class would know how simply hilarious I am in real life and thus think of me as a yuppy idiot. In a class filled with my friends and coworkers, I felt like I could get away with a joke and was immune to punishment or shame. I was wrong. 

My writing center adviser thinks I'm too hard on myself. So I'm trying not to be. I realize how much he values my contributions to the writing center, class, and believes that I'm not only humorous but serious. They always say "there's a time and a place for everything" and I guess that's true to some extent. But what exactly is expected of us in graduate school? Is it just supposed that we know our shit and thus we are just there to circulate and expand on our ideas? Or are we still like undergrads, vying for a chance to prove ourselves worthy? I feel somewhat trapped in-between.

Meagan, Brit, and Daniel

Katelyn and Scott

It may not come as a surprise, but my writing center cohort and I went out to eat. Again. This time to a restaurant I've been dying to try for some time--Dakshin, an Indian place on Bardstown Road, with a menu separating the dishes by regions. (I prefer the North!). It's almost as if the writing center director hand-selected my best friends for me. I don't think I could've found this many great people all at once in my life. 

Meagan is a staunch feminist who will randomly drop curse words in a deep voice, to the dismay of those who normally expect her sweet, country twang. We both adore Modcloth and OutofPrint! She reminds me so much of my best friend, Kelsey.

Brit is an absolutely brilliant author of not one, but TWO books. She's basically an expert in gender/queer theories and I imagine one day her face and name will be recognizable to the household name. Her bluntness is refreshing and hilarious.

Daniel, as Brit put it, is kind of a mirror image of myself. We have similar tastes and senses of humor. We also just don't care what we say or when we say it.

Katelyn kind of helps me to stay on top of my shit. She'll be worried about certain assignments and it reminds me that I should maybe start my own work... she's also helped me be more at ease with some of my writing center clients because of the descriptions she's given me beforehand.

And Scott... well, all I can really say is that he's really cute once he's been drinking. Our interests are bizarrely in sync and I could talk to him for days without tiring.  

Hoping to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower with Julie, go to a haunted corn maze and/or house with the writing center, and um, finish the paper I've been trying to write for four hours. It's due tomorrow.

An Art Museum Soliloquy & Greek Eats

Last Sunday, the Speed Art Museum finally closed its doors for a three-year renovation. It was really bittersweet to see the place cleaned out and ready for dis-assemblage. 

One of my first memories of the Speed is from fall 2009, when I went with my creative writing class to create an ekphrastic poem. I sat on a bench staring at a large, splattered canvas entitled "Potentially Pat's Living Room." I could see the clouds through the slits of window panes at the top of the building, sun illuminating their shapes, making them almost appear cartoon-ish. I could hear the trickle of a fountain, the smell of oil on canvas, and I was swelling with endorphines. 

I went back for an art history project and spent my day walking around and observing the museum in its entirety. I found a piece on the second floor that I was particularly drawn to, featuring a winding country road alongside a hearty tree, as the sun set in fall. The colors were vividly autumnal and the movement in the brushstrokes made me feel the whistle of the wind on my skin. 

Another class project called for me to find a piece of art from any medium and compare it to another art form of a different medium and explain its implications. Part of the Native American collection had been moved to the spotlight section and I felt myself peculiarly drawn to the ornate pipes and pipe bowls. The pipe bowls reminded me of Ziggurats, semi-pyramidal religious constructions of ancient Mesopotamia. Worshippers would bring sculptures of gods for a priest to place inside; the larger the sculpture, the more favor the god would have on the family. The pipe bowls were also used in religious ceremonies when tribe elders would summon their ancestors. The ornateness of the pipes and bowls would depend on the 'commitment' of the tribe to the god and could also recommend to anthropologists the wealthiness of a given region. 

Aside from various school projects, I visited the Speed many times with others. One time I particularly remember was last winter when the Speed hosted an Impressionist/Post-Impressionist exhibition. The gallery was filled with Renoir, Chagall, Monet, Manet, Degas... I felt like I was back in London, surrounded by so much timeless history. I ended up losing one of my favorite magenta leather gloves. Figuring it would be gone but hoping for the best, I called the museum the next day and someone had turned in my glove! I should've known that the Speed would host compassionate beings. 

I feel deeply saddened by the fact that I won't get to see any exhibits or stop in on a stressful day to just look at a Picasso, Monet, or Cassat. I can't just walk into the medieval wooden room or the tapestry room, alight with stained glass windows to the ceiling. The majesty will be gone for awhile.

~ ~ ~

Scott, Amy, and Michelle

Sam and Meagan

 On a brighter note, I had a lovely evening with my writing center cohort last night. We went downtown for Mediterranean food at Yafa. Honestly, if you're in the Louisville-area, this is probably the best Greek food you're going to find.

We all played "Never Have I Ever" and enjoyed our various dishes. I ended up getting a gyro plate with pita and walnut baklava for dessert. Afterward, we went to Sam's townhouse and I basically became super jealous because his house is so gorgeous and he has the best taste. He told me he'd help me decorate when I finally get my own place--I'm going to hold him to it!

Earlier in the day, Meagan and I laughed at pictures of cats with bad grammar and hunted for Modcloth discount codes on Pinterest--We ended up finding the largest one for 20%! Needless to say, we were ready to order from our favorite online clothing site again.

Life is pretty hectic. But I'm really trying to take it a day at a time. I'm surrounded by so many great people and I feel like I couldn't be any luckier.

Allons-y!

image via tumblr

Even though sometimes I feel like there is not enough coffee in the world to cure the tired that I feel on Wednesdays and Thursdays, grad school just keeps getting better and better. They always say that college is supposed to be the best time of your life but I don't think I ever really felt seriously about it until now. I'm so privileged to be paid to do the one thing in life that never fails to make me happy with some of the brightest and wittiest people I have ever met. You would think there would be some ego trips in a group of Master's students, but we're all just normal people who like to laugh and talk about British TV, The Office, Parks & Rec, Freud jokes, and the wonder of Modcloth (the boys not so much on that one). 

Amy says that I have a pretty good collection of work wear. I've had quite a few things for awhile and have slowly been adding tops, sweaters, and dresses through the summer. I was even told by someone who saw me for the first time on campus, "You look like a teacher!" And I just smiled and said, "I'm trying." 

I love Thursdays even though my mind is basically slush by that time. Julie and I get lunch and my writing center comrades and I all have two hours together to get dinner before our night class. We had Asian last week, Qdoba this week, and it'll be pizza next week. It's strange to throw a group of us together and have us all work so well with one another.

Yesterday I went for sushi and we decided to try the Alaska roll, tempura roll with eel, caterpillar roll, and of course, the good old California roll. Had it not been for the prodding of my company, I don't think I would have been so brave but I basically just tied the napkin 'round my neck and dug in. :)

Julie introduced me to a band that really just makes my heart smile, called Jukebox the Ghost. They played at the Waterfront this Wednesday and a couple of my writing center buddies went and liked them. They were Rachel's favorite band and they dedicated a song to her. :) I wish I could've gone but I had more work than I ever thought was possible to make it through in one night. 

image via imdb

And to all the true Whovians out there, allons-y!

A Week of Highs and One Really Low Low

This was my first week of grad school and I'm already kind of in love with it. I'm a little bit stressed out, a little bit frazzled and tired, but I'm surrounded by so many great people at the writing center that I have no doubt in my mind that I'll make it through somehow relatively unscathed. The above pictures are of my own personal shelf and mailbox. I feel so official!

These pictures are of the consultant's office in the back of the writing center. I spend the majority of my time in this room with about ten other people. Somehow we all seem to fit comfortably. We work, we eat, we talk, we laugh, drink coffee, and walk to class in general swarms since we all take the same or very similar schedule of classes. We've even established weekly Thursday dinners since we all have a couple hours free before our night class.

I wore this ensemble on Tuesday. I ordered the skirt online from a little shop called "Style by Marina." She sells multiple colors and the tulle/silkiness of it all makes me feel like a bohemian ballerina. Plus, I'm rocking my Fool's Gold necklace from Target and a basic white tank from Old Navy. 

Wednesday night I was reading for my writing center class and I kept thinking, Man I could really use some ice cream right now. Well, my dad comes home later that evening (while I'm still reading) and throws me a pint of cotton candy Graeter's ice cream. Cotton candy wouldn't have been a choice I would've made but it tasted like Lucky Charms and had these little crunchy, sugary bits within so it hit the spot.

Also, I ordered this poster and frame separately for about $14. I love butterfly specimens (like, pictures of them, not actual dead butterflies). I love it now and I feel like it will fit in with the aesthetic of any place I move in the future. Woot!

On a sad note, a friend of a friend passed away on Wednesday, named Rachel. She's the sweet girl in the green sweater. Julie had always spoken so fondly of Rachel and never had a negative thing to say about her. Rachel was just the kind of person who could light up your life in the moments you spent with her, even if you didn't know her that well. Not even a couple of weeks ago, five of us girls went out for Shiraz and Comfy Cow ice cream. I remember Rachel ordered lamb at Shiraz and cookies 'n cream ice cream at Comfy Cow. We had each other laughing and found ourselves in our own personal conversations throughout the night. I honestly felt like it was the beginning of a really great friendship. How could you not fall in love with a spirit like hers?

When I found out about her sudden passing, I felt so shocked and confused. I could only imagine what Julie was going through, her having been very close with Rachel. It's been a difficult couple of days and every time I see someone post a new photo of her on Facebook, it's really hard for me to believe she's gone. 

A mutual friend of Rachel ran into Julie in the library on Thursday when we were on our way to lunch. Rachel had had such a tough time growing up that the girl asked, "God obviously kept her around for a reason... but why?" And thinking more on that, I realize that maybe people aren't supposed to be in our lives forever, but when they are for a little while, and when they are people like Rachel, they make you want to be a better person. Rachel's purpose was to prove to anyone who met her that pure kindness exists in the world and opening your heart is a good thing. I didn't have the chance to become as much of a friend as I wished I could have been, but she left a big footprint on my heart nevertheless. 

Life really is short. And sometimes we feel like we're invincible and we take people in our lives for granted. To anyone out there who reads this thing, I love you and hope that you are blessed with a long life and that you open yourself to the kindness that Rachel shared with the world for a short time.

Moonrise Kingdom

So, last Saturday Scott and I went to the Forecastle Festival on the waterfront of Downtown Louisville. Despite my germaphobia, we had a really good time. Well, except for that one time we had to use the porta-potty in the dark. *Shudders.*

Beforehand, we had lunch at the new vegetarian restaurant near campus. The veggie fried rice and spring rolls were delicious!

I'm kind of a clean-cut goody two-shoes (or I try to be) but there's a side of me that's full of bohemian splendor. There were so many different walks of life at Forecastle, coming together to celebrate the things we all have in common: the necessity to feel rhythm, to feel like we are a part of something larger. It was like a mini-Woodstock except there were exceptionally less naked people. 

The last few days have been a whirlwind. It's amazing sometimes how love can pick up where it left off and somehow feel new and better. And you fit together like puzzle pieces. The heart is a curious organ but it always leads you home. 

Credit 

Scott and I went to McAlister's yesterday before we went to see Moonrise Kingdom. It was so good! I really loved Sam and Suzy. It was such a bizarre story and the setting felt like it took me somewhere my imagination could never lead me, which in my opinion is a sign of a really good novel or film. Makes me want to catch up on some of Wes Anderson's older films!

We also decided to start a little book club because of all the new movies coming out that look really good! I remember reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower in high school but I was somehow convinced that it was over-hyped. But seeing the movie trailer with Emma Watson makes me really curious because I kind of like her a LOT. She's the face of Burberry for crying out loud. Scott has wanted me to read The Hobbit forever because it's his favorite book and the movie is coming out. Seems like no better time than now! 

Oh and the henna. If you can't find henna at Forecastle, then you just suck it up, go to Barnes & Noble, and buy yourself a kit. Boom. 

(Can't wait to rock an ankle and wrist tattoo).

Muffins & Maladies

Banana muffins

All right, I've been at it again. The 100 degree+ temperatures, lack of rain, and phantom ailment on my left side has left me cooped up indoors. So, what do I do? Yes, I make muffins. But these are no ordinary muffins, you see. They are made from a couple bananas, Greek yogurt, oats, sweetener, and a bit of baking soda. The recipe called for baking powder but I was all out so I just added a bit more baking soda and they turned out all right. 

I am in love with these muffins. They actually stick together when you hold them to eat, unlike crumbly, floury muffins. Anytime I can avoid flour, I do. The recipe said you could add any sort of sweetener but I opted for regular old sugar because at least my body knows how to digest it. Aspartame and such still sort of freaks me out. 

I will end my nearly week-long house arrest tomorrow at 5:30AM when I leave for work and where I will continue to work everyday this week except Wednesday. I may die but at least I will be moving again. I figure all my house lounging is preparation for the long hours of work I'll have to put in as a T.A. next year (I already saw my schedule and it includes some Saturdays). Hoping the phantom malady disappears soon...

Pin & Do

This summer I have made it my mission to actually DO the stuff I pin on Pinterest. Because yes, I pin a lot. I was inspired by the lovely Siobhan of Hello Flower and her feature 'Pin & Do." I realized it really is pointless to pin unless you actually use the stuff. Otherwise you're just collecting digital clutter. Which, as an aspiring minimalist, I shudder at. So far here are the recipes I've made:

 

Black bean and quinoa burgers with avocado spread on toasted whole wheat buns

 

Chana masala with basmati rice

 

Chickpea salad wraps

 

Greek salad

 

Trisha Yearwood's 'Chickless' pot pie

 

Crock pot mac & cheese

Derby pie 

And tons of great tips like how to keep a sliced apple from browning! 

 

Was also inspired to buy some of these containers to use in the fall

 (Since the meal plan is longer mandatory for me!)

I've also created a few things too. Here they are:

 

Colored thread to keep iPod cords from tangling

(Though mine turned out a lot less appealing... I used two purple colors and a light pink, ran out of string before I finished, and the little spirals aren't as uniform as the ones above. I might take it all off and try again).

Glitter paper clip magnets 

(Couldn't find any silver glitter or light light blue or green. I made a turquoise one and dark blue). 

I also put gold glitter+clear nail polish on the top of my house key. It's so pretty. I don't have the Pinterest link anymore, though. 

Not inspired by Pinterest (for once), I tie dyed to my heart's content the other day. I made the blue one for my dad, the purple/blue and pink/blue for my mom and the one I made for myself is being modeled by Jet above. I have also been dying to tie dye my white bag for like two years and I finally did it. The colors are kind of runny and I'm considering splattering some bleach on it to break it all up but overall, I'm happy with how everything turned out. 

Yesterday mainly consisted of making the crockpot mac&cheese, Derby pie, and catching up on my summer reading. I've been pretty much cooped up in the house since I've been on pain meds for my phantom abdomen malady and because, as I'm sure most of you know, it's like 104 degrees out. Actual temperature there. I like the little 'ecard' that says, "Who turned the thermostat to HELL?" It pretty much feels like it.

I realize that I don't feel content unless I'm making something. I have done so much cooking and trying out new things this summer. I love to know there are things that work, some things that don't, and some things that are just okay. The mac&cheese was delicious--I should've turned it off earlier but the recipe called for 3-4 hours. I think it was done by 2 when I took it out at 2:30. I'm more of a creamy mac&cheese gal. The Derby pie was pretty good too although the crust will never compare to the real thing...

The black bean and quinoa burgers are surprisingly filling. My mom wasn't feeling well and I heated her up a couple for work and she said they gave her so much energy and made her sick-feeling go away. We named them the 'Magical Healing Burgers.' The avocado spread on top is basically a healthier version of guacamole that I've made three times this summer with avocado, sliced tomatoes, paprika, pepper, and a pinch of salt. 

The Greek salad was another hit. Next time I think I'll include less onion and chop up the tomatoes a bit more. Also, don't add the cheese, croutons, or dressing until ready to serve!

I'm sort of on the fence about the chickpea salad wraps. They were good but not great. I think there was just too much celery, onion, and dill for me.

The chickless pot pie was delicious. Who knew you could make a hearty pot pie with vegetable stock and soy milk? I tried making homemade pot pie before and failed because the gravy refused to thicken. Not so in this case! The gravy was so thick and delicious. You could barely even tell it was vegan.

Up next, I think I'm going to try a couple of foot-improvement remedies and a recipe for muffins that only need Greek yogurt, bananas, oats, and like, baking powder. I love foods with the least amount of ingredients possible. I hope to eat more 'clean' and closer to nature in the future but right now I'd say I'm at a good start!