This year I've been feeling a bit like Charlie Brown.
It just seems like I can't do anything right. And (gasp) I can't get into the Christmas spirit.
I feel like I need Linus to sit me down and tell me about the true meaning of Christmas.
Then all my friends would come and wave all their hands around. Out would come a beautiful Christmas tree and we would all sing, "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing."
But in all actuality, there are a few reasons I've been out of my normal cheer.
First and foremost, I could feel the holiday season coming on about three weeks ago. I told myself, "Lauren, once finals are over, you can watch every Christmas movie, bake to your heart's content, wrap presents, listen to Christmas music, frolic in the snow, etc. all after December 11th (my last day for finals). Don't ruin it now by celebrating under stress! It will only make you mad at the season!"
Finals took so much out of me. I was writing pages of mediocre work just to get through. I was so tired and mentally drained. Finals have never been this difficult for me to get through.
After it was all over, I let out a truncated sigh of relief. My mother and I started fighting. Julie and I were supposed to have a much-needed girl's day, eating McAlister's and watching girly movies. Then, came the snow. Schools were canceled. Long story short, our day did not come to fruition.
Then, the mother of all cheer-draining took horrible form: my job. As previously mentioned, I work at an outdoor shipping business, 3rd shift. This Wednesday, we had an ice storm. Every piece of our equipment was covered in a layer of ice. We would have all fared better walking around with ice skates on. The docks and rollers that help move the thousand-something pound containers were also ice-laden. If walking were difficult in itself, imagine walking on ice-covered rollers pulling said cans.
I went to work that night at 11PM. I got off work at 7:35AM. And I know it could've been so much worse. Other people got off later. Some people signed up for double shifts and had to work until after 1PM. But alas, it left me horrible, haggard, wet, cold, ugly, and all sorts of grumpy and fatigued.
I was at my worst. I was swearing like a sailor and all I could think about was the Marilyn Monroe quote:
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Easy for her to say. She never worked at UPS.
But lately, all I've been is my worst. I say things I don't mean. I complain incessantly. I can't seem to get my life together. I'm in way too many clothes. I'm sweaty and cold. My hair looks bad. I'm wearing hats so warm they make me look homeless. I'm sleeping all day.
After getting to bed at around 1PM yesterday, I woke up at 8PM. It was dark, I hadn't eaten all day, or accomplished anything. But the worst part was realizing that I was only waking up to go back to work again.
So, Tuesday I had a duel with a woman over a Christmas present.
I know she saw me eying her like a hawk about to swoop down and claim my rightful prey. Unfortunately, she won. So, I had to place an order. Hopefully it will be here in time...
Thanks to everyone. For accepting me at my worst. For helping me find my way. And for singing my praises when I feel like giving up.