10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

10 things everyone knows about you:

1. I have a quirky personality and sense of humor.

2. I'm above average height for a girl.

3. I really love to put clothes together.

4. I have poor vision, leaving me to wear contacts and glasses.

5. My allergies are terrible... I have to get shots.

6. I have naturally unnatural-looking nails (must be all that protein!).

7. I love puns!

8. I don't wear a lot of jewelry.

9. I am a worrier. 

10. I am cold 97% of the time. 

9 things people would be surprised to know about you:

1. I am learning French, after nearly 7 years of Spanish.

2. I am obsessed with the TV show Ghost Hunters.

3. I would rather sleep than do anything else in the world.

4. I don't look good in V-necks or typically anything yellow.

5. I am at least 1/16th Cherokee Indian on my mother's side... but where's the documentation? 

6. I have an unnatural obsession with cleaning.

7. Better Homes and Gardens is one of my favorite magazines.

8. I don't want to get married for a very. long. time. 

9. I hope to one day travel the world because of something I have written.

8 of your fave people in the world:

1. Ma & Pa

2. Both sets of grandparents

3. K. H. 

4. J. L. 

5. S. K. 

6. L. G. 

7. J. T. 

8. L. C. 

7 of your favorite hobbies:

1. Walking/jogging 

2. Yoga

3. Scrapbook 

4. Reading

5. Writing 

6. Hiking, Picnics, anything in nature

7. Swimming 

6 songs you listen to on a regular basis:

1. "Coventry Carol" -The Choir of King's College, Cambridge

2. "Bullseye" -Aly & AJ

3. "Blue Ridge Mountains" -Fleet Foxes

4. "Old Enough (feat. Ricky Skaggs and Ashley Monroe)" -The Raconteurs 

5. "My Father's Gun" -Elton John

6. "Burning Up" -Madonna

5 foods/drinks you can't live without:

1. Iced tea

2. Whole wheat English muffins with apricot preserves 

3. Milk

4. Cheese

5. Cereal 

4 turn-offs of the opposite sex:

1. Chewing tobacco

2. Clingy

3. Disrespectful 

4. Ignorant 

3 of your favorite places to go:

1. Hawaii 

2. Missouri 

3. college

2 favorite colors:

1. plum purple

2. green 

1 of your favorite quotes:

1. "I'm impossible to forget but I'm hard to remember" -Claire, Elizabethtown 

Sustainability

Once things settle to a point of comfort they are bound to change. I have constructed a fail-proof exercise plan, have been eating the healthiest I have in years, have spent one of the best weeks-and-a-half with my family, modified my sleep schedule, and generally found happiness. 


Now school is about to start...


I won't be able to jog in the morning, when the air is the most refreshing. Family time will be a lot more limited. Surrounded by unhealthy choices and stress may lead to unhealthy noshing and let's not even get started on the sleep schedule.


I am however optimistic. I am taking larger steps towards my future as a whole. Each night I clock out at work, I am one day closer to quitting and leaving college debt-free. Each day I wake up and painfully go to class when I least feel like it, I am putting in my time to receive a glorified piece of paper that will earn me significant amounts of money in the future.


So I embrace this change. There is more joy here than complaint. I am in fact, surrounded by the best company. And that's truly worth keeping the same in an otherwise time of transition.

Bleu Cheese

This morning an old friend of my dad's called. He used to fly with him and occasionally my mom and I would go on trips with the two of them. I especially remember going to Wichita while my dad and his friend went to training classes. It was certainly windy but the pool was luxurious. We all met up for dinner and I ordered a salad that unbeknownst to me was covered in bleu cheese crumbles. I don't do moldy cheese.


"Something smells like dirty socks..." my mom said.


I barely touched the thing, prompting my mother to get onto my 11 year old self. "Have a taste," I suggested.


"Okay, you don't have to eat it..."


"That's what smelled like dirty socks! Come with me, Lauren. I've got something I think you'll like better," my dad's friend said.


There was a special little room reserved for pilots with plastic-card swiping access available. He made me a peanut butter sandwich and I was eternally grateful. He nicknamed me "Bleu Cheese."


On my 12th birthday my dad was gone on a trip. I got flowers in the mail in a slender dark blue vase. They were from my "Uncle Phil" as I affectionately called him.


I would have to say the last time I spoke to him I couldn't have been more than 14.


So this morning my dad handed the phone to me. We exchanged pleasantries and quips as if we had just spoken a few days before. 


"What are you up to?" he asked.
"Making breakfast."
"I'll be right over."
"I hope you like eggs!"
...
"My daughter is a sophomore English major. I guess I'm surrounded by all sorts of people in the know."
"Yes, and all with impeccable grammar!"
"That's exactly what this world needs."
...
"How old are you now?"
"Almost 21."
"Oh gosh. If you're 21 I'm a 100."
"Nah, you're forever young."
"You'd be good in sales..."


It's great to know there are people like him out there.

I've been enjoying these sweet last few days of summer. I run everyday. I always think about things when I run. It seems like we're always playing games even when we don't intend to. People count calories hoping, that like a slot machine, the numbers will align and that they will lose weight. People go to college and sometimes, mindlessly sit through classes, hoping to get an A to further themselves in their future careers. Other times people refuse to text until being texted first. All of this is in the hope that we will be successful and have the last laugh in terms of lost loves, naysayers, and the general doubt we face. But why do we have to have the last laugh? Is it really that important to "come out on top," while comparing ourselves to past selves and long-gone relationships? Doesn't this imply that we're truly not over it all? 


At the end of the day, at the end of life when we can feel the inevitable breeze of death's breath, all that matters is that we were able to smile because of what we have achieved; not because we have outshone another or because it makes us look good. But rather because we have loving people in our lives that don't forget about us, even after 7 years, like Uncle Phil.


"You've done good, kid. I always knew you would, even when you were younger..." he said.


After all this time I am happy to maintain my relationships with the people who have truly made a difference. I am especially happy to be in a completely monogamous and fulfilling relationship right now... with myself, haha.

Halfway

Just two years ago I was a wild-eyed college freshman. I was living in a dream world filled with big ideas and notions of impending greatness that simply being on campus would provide. I expected to one day get better at biology without studying and I believed that everyone's intentions with me were honorable. I made an impressionable first friend who has now moved away; we used to share pizzas and read each others' journals, trade music, and talk about our pseudo-wisdom gained in our short time at the university. We wore scarves and carried journals. We were intrepid.


I fell entirely too quickly in and out of a non-relationship with an older, sophisticated individual who oozed passion out of every pore. He scared me with his intelligence and so-called wisdom. I wanted him to think me passionate too. 

After combining excess with excess, my world fell apart. The pieces were quickly picked up and mended as the world began expressing its true light to me. I started a job that I knew I would hate to pay for tuition and to leave behind a toxic work environment that introduced me to a side of myself I didn't very much like. I was seemingly happy for a year and a half until he did the one thing he said he'd never do: break my heart.


So much for promises. 


Now I enter my second half of college with a new perspective. I have seen all I need to see to make it out on the other side with a diploma relatively unscathed. I'm not entirely the person I wish to be but I am more conscious of my actions than before. I don't particularly view the world in rose-colored shades anymore but I still have faith in moments that can make the world stop for a moment. I still believe in the revealing powers of conversation and a sidelong glance that keeps you guessing. 


And I still believe in scarves. 

Atonement

After having read the book by Ian McEwan and having it easily become a favorite, I felt as if I owed it to myself to see the movie, Atonement. The film was a beautiful representation of the novel and the imagery was almost exactly how I had imagined it. The only things that surprised me were the appearances of certain characters and of all things, the wallpaper. I absolutely love the concept of this story that it makes my heart ache!

There's just something so tragic about premature love lost. Cecilia (Keira Knightley) and Robbie (James McAvoy) realize they love one another after having known one another for years and never speaking. Their acts of affection are misinterpreted by Cecilia's younger sister Briony, and this causes a chain of events that sends Robbie to prison and away from Cecilia. They again become separated by war and Briony spends her whole life wishing she could take back her mistake. 


I started out liking Briony, then hated her, then felt sorry for her. As terrible as she feels, she is never truly able to atone for her sins. Cecilia and Robbie are never able to have their happiness together in this life. So sad...

But on the bright side, James McAvoy is definitely one of the most attractive people I have ever seen. And he's Scottish! I'm Scottish! So obviously, we have a lot in common.

Sun, It Will Rise

Life is about to take a dramatic turn. It has already begun its transition and my progress in various areas may retreat or strengthen. 

We found out yesterday that one of my dad's best friends died of brain cancer two days ago. Dad has known him since before I was born and he had a reputation of being a really great person and aviator. The news came in the midst of my dad finishing up his big certifications to wrap up the training that has kept him away for the past month and a half. These certifications are for a job that my dad's friend helped him land. He was really torn up about it and for some reason that had a huge affect on me. I can typically deal with my own grief but when those I love are afflicted, I am an emotional wreck. Needless to say, it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the day, affecting my personality at work that night.

Despite apologizing and explaining for my out-of-character moodiness, certain people ignored me for the rest of the night. It was almost like they decided that it was unfair that I have feelings. It was unfair for me to have my own bad day. 

I understand that people in our lives come and go and that it's up to us to decide who is worth having around for the long run. I am able to make that distinction but that doesn't mean it's easy. The summer is for fun, carefree fancy but now that school's arrival is pending, I feel as if I've had my fun and I am ready to move on. I'm just not sure how to say that out loud; but it may be unnecessary at this point anyway, as I am sure toes have already been stepped upon.

To clear my head, I have been running every morning I come home from work. All I have to do is change my shoes. I started going out the day after I was finished with medication to treat my knee. I'd been so frustrated not being able to exercise. The indoors looked so inviting; it was warm and comfortable but I knew that if I didn't run that day I wasn't ever going to run.

It has been a pleasure to smell the dewy grass with left-over remnants of fertilizer; all scents of summer, all home to me. The fog has not lifted on the small pond I pass just yet. I feel connected to the Earth. I take in all the sights and say to myself, "This is Kentucky." I walk the first 3/4 mile out of my neighborhood, then turn around and run home. The first sight I pass is a black picket fence that looks like it belongs in the 19th century somewhere or as if it should be sheltering free-roaming horses. All I concentrate on is breathing, smiling and saying good morning to the neighbors, petting all the dogs on the way, and the endorphins rushing through my blood. Problems don't exist. People don't exist, if I don't want them to. It's just me and God. Me and nature. I am taken to a purer state.

And the sun, it will rise. 

One Love

Rush release to iTunes + country radio = already #1. Love you, Taylor. 

If you're a bird, I'm a bird

The locusts are in full swing. Their song is so calming and although summer's end is looming nearer, I am reminded that it is still here. The air is still, perhaps even muggy, and the smell of the air is unidentifiable by the English language. You just know it when it hits you. 

The locusts have me thinking about summer love; the "If you're a bird, I'm a bird" kind of love and whether it truly exists or if we are just placing it on an unattainable pedestal. 

Noah and Allie had it.

But as I have been told "Life is not a movie." I believe that we can find things in another person that we like enough to stick around but we know in our hearts we could never love them. Maybe that's what summer love is for; to distract ourselves from the loneliness until we're too busy to notice. 

Can you call it summer love if you see yourself there in the fall, winter, and spring? If you know in your heart that your feelings span past more than a few months? That this person is more than just a band-aid to cover up your past emotions? 

I've never known love like that.

Even if it's improbable and challenges me... I still think it's worth looking for.