Saturday, August 7, 2010

Sun, It Will Rise

Life is about to take a dramatic turn. It has already begun its transition and my progress in various areas may retreat or strengthen. 

We found out yesterday that one of my dad's best friends died of brain cancer two days ago. Dad has known him since before I was born and he had a reputation of being a really great person and aviator. The news came in the midst of my dad finishing up his big certifications to wrap up the training that has kept him away for the past month and a half. These certifications are for a job that my dad's friend helped him land. He was really torn up about it and for some reason that had a huge affect on me. I can typically deal with my own grief but when those I love are afflicted, I am an emotional wreck. Needless to say, it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the day, affecting my personality at work that night.

Despite apologizing and explaining for my out-of-character moodiness, certain people ignored me for the rest of the night. It was almost like they decided that it was unfair that I have feelings. It was unfair for me to have my own bad day. 

I understand that people in our lives come and go and that it's up to us to decide who is worth having around for the long run. I am able to make that distinction but that doesn't mean it's easy. The summer is for fun, carefree fancy but now that school's arrival is pending, I feel as if I've had my fun and I am ready to move on. I'm just not sure how to say that out loud; but it may be unnecessary at this point anyway, as I am sure toes have already been stepped upon.

To clear my head, I have been running every morning I come home from work. All I have to do is change my shoes. I started going out the day after I was finished with medication to treat my knee. I'd been so frustrated not being able to exercise. The indoors looked so inviting; it was warm and comfortable but I knew that if I didn't run that day I wasn't ever going to run.

It has been a pleasure to smell the dewy grass with left-over remnants of fertilizer; all scents of summer, all home to me. The fog has not lifted on the small pond I pass just yet. I feel connected to the Earth. I take in all the sights and say to myself, "This is Kentucky." I walk the first 3/4 mile out of my neighborhood, then turn around and run home. The first sight I pass is a black picket fence that looks like it belongs in the 19th century somewhere or as if it should be sheltering free-roaming horses. All I concentrate on is breathing, smiling and saying good morning to the neighbors, petting all the dogs on the way, and the endorphins rushing through my blood. Problems don't exist. People don't exist, if I don't want them to. It's just me and God. Me and nature. I am taken to a purer state.

And the sun, it will rise. 

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