Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

 Let me just tell you. Are You Afraid of the Dark? was my favorite 90's TV show. My friend Jacque (really 'Jackie' but she decided she was special and could spell her name Jacque) and I used to rush to my house after we got off the school bus and plant ourselves on my family room loveseat. We would curl our legs underneath us because you can't be scared out of your mind with your feet on the ground. The opening sequence would come on and while most people would be scared by the attic or the clown, I was most taken by the creak of the lonely swing set.

 The scariest episode by far is the one with this guy. Apparently a high school thought it would be a good idea to build a swimming pool over an old cemetery. Unfortunately, they forgot to 'move' a few bodies. There are a couple of kids that seem to run around the high school at night when no one else is there and the bloody monster guy just bubbles up through drains and appears. The nerdy guy decides it's a good time to get the heavy-duty chemicals to throw on the monster because we all know poison kills skeletons with cobweb drapes on their face.

Then you've got the one where the beautiful blonde lady recruits young girls into being her 'beauties.' Whenever they look into the mystical mirror, they become entranced by the beauty they can attain if only they sip a drink prepared by the blonde lady in an ancient goblet. Basically, whenever she looks into a real mirror, her true appearance is revealed--she is actually a bajillion years old! Long story short, the girls become wolves, the ginger throws the mystical mirror into the fire and saves the girls who are locked in ornate wooden cages in the woods. Oh, and the evil lady turns into bone dust.

 I spy with my little eye a baby Gosling? Is that redundant? That would make him Ryan Goose, as in his youth he would be Ryan Gosling. Whatever. Are You Afraid of the Dark? produces stars, people! Before Ryan Gosling was making it rain all over my face as Noah Calhoun, he was an awkward child in a flannel cut-off! There truly is hope for the rest of us.

Okay, then we've got little boy blue here who just repeatedly stands there and says, "I'm cold." A different little boy is being babysat by Melissa Joan Hart before her Sabrina the Teenage Witch days and they have to deal with this frightening glowing child who clearly could benefit from a space heater. Or a Snuggie. 

 There was an episode where a girl's best friend went missing but it was because she turned into a doll! Watching this episode made me totally jealous because you could just tell by looking at her that this girl was going to grow up to be a hottie--doll or not. Ignore the awkward eyebrows. They go away after her friend rescues her.

Then there was this crazy girl Dora who HAD TO FEED THE HOUNDS. I don't know why the girl in the vest decided it would be a good idea to follow Dora (or to wear that vest). But behold, a cemetery surrounded by dry ice awaits. 90's chicks...

The second scariest monster by far has got to be the movie vampire. He would just crawl out of the black and white movie with a face that not even a mother could love. Poor guy looks like Uncle Fester and Steve Buscemi had a love child. But don't let the jokes fool you--I could easily pee my pants watching this in real time.

And to end things on a happier note, who could forget Gary, the president of The Midnight Society? I couldn't. As a child, I was drawn to his huge glasses, accountant haircut, and seemingly adult swagger. He carried the mysterious bag of magic dust to throw on the fire. I mean, what was that stuff? Magnesium? I did an experiment in 7th grade where flames did crazy stuff but how does a nerd like Gary get his hands on top-notch chemicals? I smell a future uni-bomber. Unfortunately, Gary didn't have the fate of Ryan Gosling in growing up. He is quite ugly from what Google images tells me. Sorry Gary.

I now declare this meeting of the Midnight Society closed...

 All images from here, here, here, and here.

No comments:

Post a Comment